Buddhafied

By the power invested in me...

A friend of mine asked me to be the emcee for his wedding. This is actually the third time someone has asked me to be the Master of Ceremony for his/her wedding. I guess part of the reason why I get invited as being an emcee often is that I have a bunch of Chinese Canadian friends, me being able to speak Cantonese and English fluently really help as the wedding has to be hosted in those two languages. On top of that, I guess I am some-what a clown so in case my speeches sucks, I wouldn't mind just dropping my pants down and start making a scene. What I am trying to say is, my friend really made a huge mistake but I happily took the job.

This got me thinking though, this might be the only "job" I will ever get in a wedding. See, I have a rather interesting network of friends. I am going to pull a Dave (Blogography) here and use a piechart to illustrate that:

The above chart shows the ratio of my close friends (as in people who I hang out on a regular basis). The smaller cut-out section represents the people who I consider best friends. As you can see, the majority of my closer friends are female, roughly 40%, the next are straight males 30%. The interesting part lies within the gays. I would say about 25% of my closer friends are gay, and we are pretty close; however, a majority of them are Scott's friend to begin with (hence, the in-laws). I actually have very few gay friends who I met on my own, if you minus the ex's, I think I have like three.

So, what's the point of this excercise, you may ask. Well, see, there are only a few available "jobs" in a wedding. You have the bridesmaid, bestman, groomsman, maid of honour, etc, and people select these jobs base on whether how well you know them, how long you know them, and whether you fit the role. As much I have close relationship with most of my friends, I don't generally fit in a role of a wedding. Let's analysis this.

I can never be a bridesmaid or maid of honour, because I prefer leather over lace and unless I'm attending a wedding for a pair of power lesbiens, which I don't know one, that's out of the question. I will never be a bestman nor groomsmen because my in-laws will obviously choose Scott over me, and non of my other gay friends are planning to get married; some of them just enjoy the free sex and some of them live in the side of the world where gay marriage means their mother will be shamed for the rest of her life.

See, I am screwed! I will never be in a wedding other than being an emcee or a minister! Minister actually sound fun, however, I'm not sure whether I can contain myself for not saying something inappropriate... I can come up with many intersting things that I can say after "by the power invested in me..."

What I really wanted to do, however, is the Ringbearer. You know, the person who carries the wedding rings. I always thought I could be that and I can be called the "Lord of the Ring", or even better, "The one who rules them all".  However, traditionally, that job is usally taken by little child whom dressed up like a chucky doll. Little kids... always steal my thunder...

Paystub

You gotta love when your payroll person has a sense of humour. This is what I got in my email this morning:

Dear Employees,

When printing the pay stubs the ink ran out, and last names starting with an "R" or later are pretty faded.

Especially those lucky ones starting with a "Z".

Unfortunately I can not reprint the actual stub, but a report with the same basic information can be provided upon request.

After getting you pay stub just send me an email if you would like something more legible and I will do that up for you.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

My last name starts with a "T" so I guess I'll be getting slightly faded paystub.

Injury

Some people hurt themselves while doing extreme sports, some get it while working, some get it during an accident. These are what I called the "Glory Injuries"; the type of injuries that you can go around and tell your friends how you battling aganist a shark and how you hurt yourself while saving someone's life. Now, what do a person like me will get hurt? We hurt ourselves while waving hello to someone.

This morning, while I was carrying my lunch and slowly walking into the dungeon of eternal torture I saw a co-worker of mine driving into the parking lot. Being the hyper energentic morning person that I am, I decided to wave at him. Not knowing I was extremely close to the side of the building, I scrapped my right hand aganist the wall.

It didn't hurt that bad but it was dripping blood. I ran to grab a First-Aid kit immediately and wrapped my hand up; however, the scrape was on the back of my hand and it was difficult for me to cut off the excessive Band-Aid, so I had to shamefully ask my co-workers to help me out. While they were helping, they asked the inevitable question "oh, how did you hurt yourself?" Being the honest person that I am I told them about my not-so-glory way of hurting myself... there were a long pause... then followed by lots of laughters and people shaking their head of disapproval.

I just love being the office clown.

News

Beep beep beep beep…

Welcome to the Buddhafied News Network, the network providing you all the junk information that you don’t need. We will start off today’s program with a disturbing domestic news.

An unfortunate incident happened at the West End yesterday. An Asian man walked in to his apartment after a long day of work, while he was preparing to give a kiss on the forehead of his 11 years old English Bulldog, the dog lifted her head and hit the man’s mouth. “It happened so fast,” witness Snotty Scotty explained, “I was cooking and saw him walked in. The dog was running towards him and next thing I know I heard him screaming there’s blood.” The Asian man had a ½ inch cut on his lower lip but found no other injuries. The apartment police are investigating whether this incident is related to other recent attacks on the couch when the dog walked right on top of the Asian man’s private part. The man is considering pressing charges towards the English Bulldog. He said his fat lip might cause him from winning the upcoming Apartment Next Top Mascot competition. If sentenced, the dog could get charged up to five days without cookies.

On the road today, a Jeep Liberty got hit by a huge stone on the windshield. Nobody was hurt during the incident; however it left the glass with a big dent. The driver said he didn’t know where the rock came from and by the time he saw it’s coming, it was too late. He called his boyfriend immediately to let him know his safety and the boyfriend said he was probably driving too close to the car in front of him. Department of transport has issued a memorandum suggesting cars to stay away the Jeep Liberty until the windshield is fixed.

In other news today, the only restaurant that is good in the industrial area has been closed for the past week. Further investigation suggested that the owner’s house got burnt down last week. Regulars of the restaurant all showed sympathy and said to continue support the store. “I don’t know what to eat,” a worker in the area said, “their Teriyaki Beef is all that I eat everyday. I have been starving for the past three days!” Others had commented that the food wasn't bad enough that the owner's house deserved to be burnt down. The restaurant is expected to re-open tomorrow.

To end the program today, we would like to show you this short video clip from last Sunday at a house warming party. It has been known to the public that when gay guys are drunk they tend to do crazy things and we've got a clip here to proof that theory.

Hope you enjoy our program tonight, we will see you again.

Beep beep beep beep…

12 of 12 - August 2008

I have been meant to do this for a while. I found out about this from Adam at thisboyelroy, 12 of 12 is basically a little project started by Chad Darnell where you take 12 pictures on the 12th of each month (I love the tagline of his blog by the way.) I tried to find the reason behind why he started the project, but didn't have any luck. I still wanted to do it anyway, as 12 of 12 has another special meaning to me, I thought that's coincidental enough. That, and exposing my life to the rest of the world makes me feel I'm in control! WWWEEEEEEEE!

Anyway, here's my first 12 of 12:

Flawlessness

You might have noticed up until now I have not mentioned anything about the Summer Olympic. This is because I have a very mix feeling about the game this year.

As a Chinese, I really should've been just proud and honored that the Olympic is hosted in Beijing this year. With the amount of discriminations against the Chinese culture by the Western world over the past 200 years (this is definitely an arguable point depends on where and when; however, it is still undeniable that only less than 100 years ago when  signs like "No Chinese Or Dogs Allowed" were posted in some parks and outside of buildings in Europe) it is definitely the moment for the nation and the people to held their chin up high and be proud. Hence, even after the political movements towards Tibet; after the ridiculous list of not-allows issued by the Chinese government towards its citizens during the Olympic, after every non-humane things that has been done to make this 14 days a smooth event for China, I still rather not voice my true opinions about some of these issues. I know the game is a lot of people's dream; I don't want to be the person who spoils it. To say it bluntly, I just don't want to feel that I am going against my own heritage.

This morning, however, I read something in the news that I think it is absolutely outrageous, at least in my narrow-minded Westernized traitor opinion.

Original article by Timesonline:

The cute little girl whose sweet-voiced rendition of one of China’s favourite revolutionary anthems started off the Olympic opening ceremony performance may not have been all that she seemed. Little Lin Miaoke, it has been revealed, was only lip-synching.

Officials have now admitted that the voice that rang out through the vast Bird’s Nest stadium was really that of seven-year-old Yang Peiyi, who may have had the voice of an angel but whose crooked teeth made her unsuitable for the opening ceremony's top spot.

[...]

Chen Qigang, music director for the ceremony said in an online article: “Little Yang Peiyi’s failure to be selected was mainly because of her appearance, because we were concerned with the interests of the nation.”

It appeared that while the seven-year-old child's voice could not be faulted, her crooked teeth were not deemed suitable for a ceremony required to show a flawless China.

A flawless China means a 7-year old girl who got selected from tens and thousands of people be taken off the stage one day prior to the ceremony because her teeth is not perfect? I thought the theme of this year's Olympic is One World, One Dream? What about the dream of that little girl getting to sing in front of millions of viewers all around the world?

Don't get me wrong, I can understand things have to be marketable, like the fake firework footage in the opening ceremony. I think it's absolutely okay if the officials decided to select a "flawless" girl for the ceremony, as I highly doubt most employers only hire employees solely on their ability to perform anyway; yet, shouldn't they make that as the prerequisites instead of a last minute decision? I just couldn't imagine how sad that little girl felt after she got taken off the stage. And how about the other girl who now known as the lip-syncer? I am sure she will enjoy being called the Ashlee Simpsons evil twin for the rest of her life.

Furthermore, the whole obsess with flawlessness is absolutely absurd. The people in China thinks they have to proof to the world Beijing is a world-class city, hence everything has to be perfect and nothing can go wrong. However, the real problem with the rest of the world against China has always been about its government, which is ultimately responsible for issuing all the bans and restrictions to ensure everything is flawless. See the cycle there?

I am hurt. I am hurt to see that a supposedly wonderful scenario has so much underlying fundamental errors; I am hurt to think behind all those happy faces in China so many people are still being mistreated and they don't even know about it; I am hurt that I am a Chinese myself but I am powerless when it comes to helping my own people.

Rat!

You know how some people have a favourite restaurant that they go to everyday? I not only have that, I order the exact same food for lunch everyday as well. It's not because I think the food is awesome, it's because I work at this industrial area in the middle of nowhere, where all restaurants are disgusting.

I'm not exhaggerating at all, as I was from Hong Kong, I have been to places that are way worse. One year when I worked in Hong Kong for Jackie Chan's official website as an intern, we ate at restaurants with rats and cockroaches literally walked on top of our feet while we ate. After that year, I have concluded that commerical areas in Hong Kong = absolutely stunning; industrial areas in Hong Kong = Lindsay Lohan and Olsen twin's barfing competition playground.

Anyway, these what-so-called restaurants around my work might not have rats running around (that I can see), but they sure ain't Shangri-La. When I came back from my trip earlier this year, right before I stepped out to grab lunch one day, a co-worker of mine stopped and advised me not to go to a particular restaurant I used to go all the time. Appearently, there were a review in the local newspaper rated it as a zero-star restaurant "with food that is not suitable for human consumptions". Lovely isn't it?

So, today, I ordered my usual on the phone at my usual one-star-eat-at-your-risk-restaurant ahead of time and drove over to pickup my food. Since I have been there often enough, I usually just place my cash on the counter and give an eye-signal to the cashier, grab the food and dash. Today though, there were a little incident at the counter where the guy infront of me was having some confusion with his order. I have already placed my money on the counter, but I didn't want to leave until they actually see the money, so I stayed behind. Three minutes later, the incident was solved, and when I was just about to let the cashier knows I'm heading off, I looked at the counter and the cash was gone!

I am almost 100% sure the cashier didn't grab the money, as he was too busy dealing with the issue. I vaguely remember the guy infront of me grabbed something off the counter before he left, but I just thought it was a receipt. So, with no proof of where the money was or whether someone else had got the money, I paid again.

I can't believe I paid $14 for a beef teriyaki and it didn't even come with a picture of Arpad Miklos. I have to contain myself a lot not to wish that the person who stole the money (if that really was what happened and not a mistake) is not eating rat tail mixed with rat feces for lunch.

Just got a haircut

I kissed a squirrel

You guys know how "obsessed" I am with the song I kissed a Girl... you know, how I think it's absolutely ridiculous and is completely OOC (out of control)?

Since it's Friday, I thought I'll dig into another rather-inappropriate-video-for-this-blog archive and bring to you this new video from youtube: I Kissed a Squirrel.

I love the expression on her face when the stuffed squirrel "glided" through her legs... so wrong but so right. OMG, that's the lyrics of the song... wow, that song has so many levels. Just like Smelly Cat.

Sora on the road

Just got picked up by Scotty, in the passenger seat! Wish me luck... I really need a haircut.