Wits' End had a very interesting post last week regarding on the right to die. As a Buddhist (yes I know, I haven't been acting like one lately, but I am a priest afterall, whether I want to show that on a daily basis is a seperate topic) I guess I am somewhat used to the concept of "death". Afterall, understanding the meaning of life and death is the core foundation of any religion. Yet, I don't think anyone can ever get used to the idea, it's always going to be a touchy topic. That being said, I did take the chance to talk with my Mom about that during her trip this year.
Since my parents live half way across the globe from me, if something happens, it will take at least 14 hours for me to get to where they are: anything could happen with that much time. I rather know about their plan now than talk about that in a hospital or, even worse, in a funeral. Anyhow, my major concerns were about their retirement plan as well as what are they thinking if/when one of them pass away before the other. I am happy to know that they are considering coming back to Vancouver within the next 10 years, and that they will let me have inputs in regards their retirement years. That's all I really need to know at this point anyway.
Thinking about this issue reminded me about something I haven't share with many people before. It's probably one of the closest supernatural experience that involved me (I have seen many un-explainable things through my Buddhist pilgrimages, but they were mostly 3rd person experiences.)
My grandfather was an extremely healthy man throughout his entire life. He was one of those people who refused to retire. Being a butler/gardener, he enjoyed his daily routine taking care of a vacation home, which is vacant most time of the year. He lived by himself in the house with the house-owner's dog. My grandmother travelled between her place and his place on a regular basis, mostly staying at each place a few days here and there. In early 2004, my grandfather was dianosised with colin cancer.
In much of a surprise, he deteriorated rapidly, and on a Sunday morning on October, 2004, I got a phone call from my Mom that my grandfather might not be able to make it through the night in Hong Kong. Back then, I haven't learned much in Buddhism that I could "help", nevertheless, I tried to meditate. I wasn't hoping for any reverse in situation, I really just wanted my grandfather to pass in peace.
I was disturbed by two phone calls during my meditation, and when I finally sat down for the third time, I couldn't concentrate anymore. Being desperately trying to find a "connection", I decided to take a shortcut.
I am a strong believer that we can "time/space travel", not in the sense that one can physically go back and forth in time, but I believe at any given time in your life, as long as you have an "interaction" with someone, you can actually use the interaction to recall that connection and "be with" that person again. It sounds complicated, but all it is about is that our mind is not restricted by time, therefore, if my timeline has crossed your timeline before, we are connected, it's a matter of thinking back to that specific point in your life to recall the connection.
As I was trying to pinpoint a specific moment in life where I have the strongest connection with my grandfather, something strucked me: at one point in life, I was actually a cell of him. With that thought, within tenth of a second, I was brought to a very mystical place. It was like I was in a dream, yet I clearly know where and what I am. It's a feeling that is very difficult to explain. It won't be for another few years when I experience the same type of feeling during my pilgrimage. At this point, I told myself I have two missions: to let my grandfather knows if it's time for him to leave, he should leave without having to worry about the rest of us; and to let him know I am there with him the entire way.
Slowly, I started to "see" something. It was at an interesting angle, but I could feel there are people around me, I can vaguely felt that my grandmother and my parents are on my left side, and uncle and aunt on the right side. I know specifically that one of my aunt wasn't there. It was a scene at a death bed.
I was still in my dreamy stage, yet I was forcing myself to act on it. I visualize holding my grandfather's hand and run through a long corridor. I told him everything is going to be okay but he mustn't miss his time. I told him I love him and he should follow the light that I created and do not look back.
I don't know how long it lasted, but it was a mixture of the long corridor and the bed scene. Suddenly, I felt that I'm slowly floating up, it was as if I'm becoming weightless. I moved higher and higher up, and with a snap the connection was gone. It was like waking up from a dream. I looked up and check the time, then not knowing what to do or think, I went to bed.
Eight hours later, I got a phone call from my dad. He told me my grandfather passed away during the night. I asked him around what time he died? And he confirmed with what I suspected it was. After that, it was a long 14 hours trip back to Hong Kong and attend the funeral. When everything was settled, I had a chance to sit down with mom and asked her a few questions about the night when grandfather died. She told me a few things that I already knew, and then I asked her "why weren't Aunt C there?" A little shocked, she told me that she was there, just that where she was standing at the night was not visible from my grandfather's angle.
I don't know why all of a sudden I wanted to type this down. I still don't want to think that was exactly what happened. I just like to think that I had a weird dream and that some of the components of the dream matched the actual event. But whatever it really happened, at least I felt that I have contributed something that day. That itself, was enough for me to draw a closure.
On a sidenote, the dog that my grandfather was taken care of at his job went missing after my grandfather had to quit due to his health. Two months later, they've found the dog in a park that is three towns away from where he lived, at the direction of my grandfather's hospital. The dog died a day before my grandfather.
