Buddhafied

Getting sick of this

I got a phone call from Mom last night, and once again, I feel like crap. Of course, this is not the first time it happened, nor I will naive enough to think this is the last time. Yet, this really doesn't help me much for getting over my slight depression over the past week or so.

Basically, remember my dilemmawith my flight to Hong Kong early next year? I guess when I mentioned that last time, I left out one key component that I thought it wasn't that important at that moment (proves how stupid I am), my Mom's birthday is on January 21 and Chinese New Year is on the 26th. My friend's wedding is on the 9th, so if I were to take two weeks off (the maximum pay vacation I have) and to attend the wedding, my duration in Hong Kong will be January 8 to January 20.

My mom asked me over the phone whether I have booked my ticket yet. I told her I have not, but probably will do so this week. She then asked me about my time range, I told her what my plan was. She immediately said "so you are not back for the New Year." I responded "No, because I only have two weeks vacation, and to be honest, I only have one day left, so if I were to take the full two weeks, I will have -13 days which will carry on till June 2009 when it get refreshed. Then, she said something I wish she could take back:

"So, your friend is obviously more important than us."

I honestly do not know how to respond to that statement. There are many level to the answer and with my Mom's temperament as well as her EQ, I don't think she could even try to understand my view on this.

I never weigh my friends with my parents. To me, they are completely different type of relationships that are not even on the same field. I need my friends on a day to day basis, they are the people who shaped who I am now; yet my parents are the two persons who have got me to where I am. That being said, my parents were never my rock. As being by myself for most of my life (since a toddler) I never really needed my parents to be there for me emotionally, even at the darkest moments of my life, I will never mention anything to them, because they won't understand nor I want them to worry about me. Does that mean they are less important in my life? Absolutely not.

Will I dare to say that to my mother? If I want hell to come to my life.

I replied to her statement calmly yet surely, "the whole reason for me to come back this time is to visit my friend's wedding. To be honestly, if I have the option, I would rather not come back at all this time." She repeated "so, I was right, your friend is more important than us." She then went on for about 10 minutes of explaining to me how poor of a son that I am for not having the heart to go back to see them, given that they are growing old and there won't be that many opportunities for me to do the right thing.

Far as I remember, for the past three years, despite my huge debt and living off pay cheques by cheques I managed to borrow money each year just to visit them, and I always made sure I visit around late October so I can be there on my Dad's birthday. Each year, it costs me roughly $1,300 for the ticket: on a budget that I couldn't afford, on the fact knowing I can not take any other vacation during the year, on there is not much I like about Hong Kong other than my parents. I still have done so throughout the years, just to see them. Why? Because they are important to me.

Should I say that to my mother? Maybe I should.

I think I am more hurt than angry about this incident. I know I'm not a great son. I'm terrible when it comes to remembering their birthday or fulfilling all the responsibility on Mother's Day and Father's Day. However, I have been getting better with this as I set annoying calendar reminders that pop up every 5 minutes. This year, I even sent flowers on Mother's Day, which was a first ever since she left Canada. It might not be enough, but it's a progress. I also tried to call them at least 3 times a week, which to me is more than enough consider my life really isn't that exciting enough to find topics to talk about. I also know I have not made it back for her birthday for over 4 years, but her birthday happens to land on the most expensive travel time of the year to Hong Kong (let's say hypothetically I were to stay for her birthday this year, it will cost me additional $300 just because I stay for 2 extra days), as well it's the busiest time of the year for me at work. Have I mentioned I do not make a lot of money and I can't afford to take no-pay leaves?

So, once again, the conversation ended at a cold note. I am left to make the decision on whether I should at all go back to Hong Kong. I also know that she will not call me until I take the first step, and even so I will have to take a few more cold conversations and guilt trip until she will sound decent to speak with.

Should I call her tomorrow? I rather not, but I will.

Comfort food

I had to go visit a Chinese mall to pickup some embodied shirts for work this afternoon.

If you don't know what's a Chinese mall is, it's exactly what it sounds like, it's a mall owned by the Chinese community, kind of like a modernized Chinatown but in a mall and usually a lot cleaner. There are quite a few of them in Vancouver, consider there is a huge Chinese community here. For most Chinese immigrants, these type of malls are like a little oasis where they canget import goods and get in touch with their culture again. I generally don't go to the Chinese malls anymore, as I prefer to get all my dosage of Chinese culture during my annual Hong Kong trip, any more will just get me overdose and I will start speaking in funny accents again.

As I was scrolling along the mall and try to stare away from a store full of pink Hello Kitty's I stumbled across the food court and my stomache start to growl.

Now, there are many things I can say I'm not like a native Chinese person, like my iPod consist 98% English songs, like I prefer driving at normal speed than at 30km/hr below the speed limit, and like I rather kiss a brick than to date someone who can't grow a beard (thank god for the high population of beard bearing/five o'clock shadow men, or I'll be known as the Asian who hugs brick buildings), there are two things that even I have to admit that I am more Chinese than an average Canadian: A) I count and do math in Chinese, and B) I need to have rice or else I don't feel like I have eaten a proper meal.

For A, that is just a mother touge thing. Most linguists suggested that people generally use their first acquired language for math. For me, it's a mixture of both English and Chinese. I use Chinese for all the numbers but everything else in English. So, instead of "squareroot of 4 equals to 2", in my head it goes "squareroot of 'seh' equals to 'yi'"... yes, it's quite messed up. It's like that mainly because I learned how to count in Chinese but learned most of the algorithm in English. For B, I simply don't know why. I've been dating non-Asian for many years, and I have been slowly introducing meat and potatos into my system, but when it comes down to food that can hit the spot, there's nothing that can do better than a homemade Chinese meal: simple ingredients but with a good old bowl of fluffy white rice.

Anyway, I ended up getting a barbeque pork and soy sauce chicken over rice, which to me, is the best fastfood on the planet. I took my lunch back to work, showed off to everyone that I have rice and all they've got was gourmet sandwiches with side-salad or whatever fancy feast they have. Then I chewed my chicken leg with bone infront of them. I'm such a carnivore monk.

What's your comfort food?

Puberty v2.0

I am sure it came across here on my blog and my twitter lately: I have been explicitly sexual lately, to the point I am offending myself sometimes. I really don't know where it's coming from, but ever since I came back from my pilgrimage, I have been on this no-shame-let's-blankly-stare-at-hot-guys kind of stage (Maybe I interpreted "open up" a little differently than other monks did.) Just this weekend, a few of us went to look at some open houses, we walked by this tennis court and there were this shirtless guy playing tennis. I don't think my eyes were off of him for one second after that... That guy was lucky that I'm not single, or those tennis balls will be the least of his concern... (see, I don't know why I am typing this, but I can't stop!)

Also, for some strange reason, my voice is becoming cracky for the past two weeks. At first I thought I'm catching a cold or something, but other than a few minor coughs, everything seems fine. I have also noticed my facial hair is growing faster as well. I normally shave my face every three weeks, and I only do it because I can actually see the stubs coming out. Lately, though, I have to shave every week!

Based on all the evidents I collected, I have come to a conclusion that I am having my second puberty.

If this is really true, maybe my dream of being at least 5 foot 8 inches can finally come true, and this time I don't have to play basketball.

See, there were this urban legend in Asia, where parents and kids believe that if you do a lot of activities that involves jumping during puberty, you will grow taller. Coming from a family with an average height of 5 foot 5 inches, I was told that being tall is very important. I don't know how is that important in life but that's what I was told. Because of that, I spent my entire grade 7 to grade 10 school years playing basketball after school.

I am at a whooping 5 foot 6 inches now. Bitter much? Though I have to say, my height did give me some advantages in other activities, which is quite important in life as well... (ehm... I swear, I will try to stop)

In my mother's defense, she said if I wasn't playing basketball during those times, I could've been even shorter. I really don't see how that could happen as I am already shopping at kids section of Gap and Old Navy which their XXL often is too big for me, and just last Friday I tried on a pair of size 5 and a half shoes and it fitted awfully well. If I get any smaller I could be the-stunt double of Mini-Me.

Anyway, I am patiently waiting now. If I stare closely enough, maybe I can see my first chest hair coming out.

Edit: My friend Bill just drove by the tennis court, and guess who he saw? My tennis guy... we are so getting the condo facing that tennis court...

Creationism... seriously?

I was surfing online on one of my favourite website, Kotaku, and I saw a little update on a new game by EA game called SPORE. For those who is not into games, Spore is basically a game created by the team of Simcity which which allows a player to control the evolution of a species from its beginnings as a unicellular organism. It's consider as one of the most anticipated games for 2008.

As I was clicking through the update in Kotaku, I noticed an article called "Bizarre Anti-Spore Website Takes Issue With Stance On Creationism". Being the noisy person that I am, I clicked into the link. The first entry I found in the link was called "Proof EA is converting children to believe in evolution". That's enough to draw my attention to read the rest of the website.

"First of all macro evolution would require millions and millions of years to be carried out. Now if we look at a time-line of the Bible and you believe the Bible to be true then the earth would only be around 6,000-10,000 years in age.

Now lets put time aside for now and assume you do have the millions of years needed for evolution to work, well then you run into another problem. The Bible claims that all the animals ate plants and were peaceful and that there where no diseases present before the fall. Well if you look at your beloved fossil record you will see that there is carnivores activity way back near the beginning and also suggestion of disease meaning that the Bible would have to be wrong on this account and that God would have lied, however we also read in many parts of the Bible that God does not lie. SO based on that creation and evolution cannot be “married” into one theory as many have done and as you have tried to do.

Still don’t believe me??? Take a look at this article called “10 Dangers of Theistic Evolution”

WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? I am sorry, but debating on whether evolution exist or not based on "God does not lie"... what are we now, 1712? Seriously, that's all they've got? I honestly don't know how these people were raised, but even most Christians believe that the 24-hour time-line of creation in the bible was supposed to be a metaphor. The fact that these people can ignore all scientific facts and think the earth has only been around 6,000 years, that is beyond ignorant, it's simply stupidity.

Please, if there's a God, don't let me meet one of these people in real life.

Gotta catch them all!

I love Pokemon. I don't even hide the fact I love that yellow little yellow fluff. That being said, I think this is a little over the top...

Originally found on Kotaku:

This little thing is being sold on ebay and the seller said it's "captured one-by-one only after you order to ensure its good health!" It even comes with a 60 minutes video of how to care and raise it!

Is it me or is that a rat with lots of make up?

Flawlessness

You might have noticed up until now I have not mentioned anything about the Summer Olympic. This is because I have a very mix feeling about the game this year.

As a Chinese, I really should've been just proud and honored that the Olympic is hosted in Beijing this year. With the amount of discriminations against the Chinese culture by the Western world over the past 200 years (this is definitely an arguable point depends on where and when; however, it is still undeniable that only less than 100 years ago when  signs like "No Chinese Or Dogs Allowed" were posted in some parks and outside of buildings in Europe) it is definitely the moment for the nation and the people to held their chin up high and be proud. Hence, even after the political movements towards Tibet; after the ridiculous list of not-allows issued by the Chinese government towards its citizens during the Olympic, after every non-humane things that has been done to make this 14 days a smooth event for China, I still rather not voice my true opinions about some of these issues. I know the game is a lot of people's dream; I don't want to be the person who spoils it. To say it bluntly, I just don't want to feel that I am going against my own heritage.

This morning, however, I read something in the news that I think it is absolutely outrageous, at least in my narrow-minded Westernized traitor opinion.

Original article by Timesonline:

The cute little girl whose sweet-voiced rendition of one of China’s favourite revolutionary anthems started off the Olympic opening ceremony performance may not have been all that she seemed. Little Lin Miaoke, it has been revealed, was only lip-synching.

Officials have now admitted that the voice that rang out through the vast Bird’s Nest stadium was really that of seven-year-old Yang Peiyi, who may have had the voice of an angel but whose crooked teeth made her unsuitable for the opening ceremony's top spot.

[...]

Chen Qigang, music director for the ceremony said in an online article: “Little Yang Peiyi’s failure to be selected was mainly because of her appearance, because we were concerned with the interests of the nation.”

It appeared that while the seven-year-old child's voice could not be faulted, her crooked teeth were not deemed suitable for a ceremony required to show a flawless China.

A flawless China means a 7-year old girl who got selected from tens and thousands of people be taken off the stage one day prior to the ceremony because her teeth is not perfect? I thought the theme of this year's Olympic is One World, One Dream? What about the dream of that little girl getting to sing in front of millions of viewers all around the world?

Don't get me wrong, I can understand things have to be marketable, like the fake firework footage in the opening ceremony. I think it's absolutely okay if the officials decided to select a "flawless" girl for the ceremony, as I highly doubt most employers only hire employees solely on their ability to perform anyway; yet, shouldn't they make that as the prerequisites instead of a last minute decision? I just couldn't imagine how sad that little girl felt after she got taken off the stage. And how about the other girl who now known as the lip-syncer? I am sure she will enjoy being called the Ashlee Simpsons evil twin for the rest of her life.

Furthermore, the whole obsess with flawlessness is absolutely absurd. The people in China thinks they have to proof to the world Beijing is a world-class city, hence everything has to be perfect and nothing can go wrong. However, the real problem with the rest of the world against China has always been about its government, which is ultimately responsible for issuing all the bans and restrictions to ensure everything is flawless. See the cycle there?

I am hurt. I am hurt to see that a supposedly wonderful scenario has so much underlying fundamental errors; I am hurt to think behind all those happy faces in China so many people are still being mistreated and they don't even know about it; I am hurt that I am a Chinese myself but I am powerless when it comes to helping my own people.

Traits of a Chinese mom

I need to vent.

I love my parents a lot. I think they are excellent human beings and I adore them. Not to mention they have supported me for all my education and everything up to I was 22 years old. The only thing I have problems with my parents usually come from my mom and the way she treats me sometimes.

My mom is a very typical Chinese mom; I always find that interesting because a most of her values are Westernized. If you don’t know what a Chinese mom is like, just think of a stereotyped Jewish mom; they are opinionated especially about their children, they never praise you but when you do something wrong you will for sure hear from them, and they will not hesitate to use the guilt to make their children feel bad about not obeying them. Over the years, I’ve learned to deal with these traits of mom and don’t let these little things affect my relationship with her.

This morning though, I got pretty upset with her after a call (which is hardly the first time.)

My parents are completely computer illiterate. They don’t know anything about computers; however they want to use it. I had spent a lot of time teaching them the necessaries even though they never take proper notes and I often have to go over things with them on the phone again. I tried to be as patient with them as possible as I am sure they were so patient with me when I was a kid. Their computer got a virus about two months ago, and I ended up spending about 4 hours on the phone over a week of time prompted them step my step how to reinstall their computer, setting up the wireless (2 of those hours was figuring out how to get their password back for the wireless because they’ve lost it.) However, my dad’s software will not showup properly on an English Windows, so we have to install a Chinese Windows for him but since then their wireless doesn’t work. I told mom I will try to find a solution and call her back when I do.

She gave me a call this morning during work hours. I was working on something at the moment so I didn’t pickup. She called again, I picked up and the first thing she said was “why didn’t you answer when I call earlier?” No “hello, how are you?” no “I know I’m catching you at a bad time.” I answered “Because I am at work, mom.” She then said with her usual lets-make-my-son-feel-guilty tone “Oh, you are at work, then I guess it’s nothing.” I said “what’s wrong, mom.” She changed her tone to lets-sound-a-little-piss-off-and-make-him-more-guilty tone “well, I just thought to get this computer thing solved.” I replied “mom, I am trying my best to find a solution for you, but I have been quite busy, I’ll figure something out today and give you a call back tomorrow.” She then reply “don’t call back, just do it when you are free”. Then she quickly says goodbye and hang-up.

I don’t know why I’m getting upset over this, as similar situations had happened to me hundreds of times. It’s not even that I don’t help her, I do and often a very frustrating process, and I don’t think I deserve to be treated like that. I don’t expect my parents to act like my friend, nor I like want them to because I think their should be a fine line between friends and parents. However, I do want them to treat me like an adult as I am one now.

Furthermore, I guess I worried that I have some of her traits in me and I would never want to treat my love ones with that type of attitude. I don’t want to turn into an annoying Chinese mom.

Beer is golden

I am trying to find a brewery that could possibly donate some beers for my charity event, and today I've got two responses to my initial contact. On top of that, I've got a parcel coming from the Vancouver Canucks that I don't know what it is yet. I told the girls to think positive and imagine good results coming out from these two things.

Deborah, my wonderfully new friend who's another organizer of the event replied me. I nearly chocked myself while reading her resonse:

"I'm envisioning the golden showers right now, and then all of a sudden, a jersey hits me in the head - it's Linden's!!!!"

Oh, straight girls... so innocent, so cute.

I've got chicken legs

I like to think my English is good enough and probably can fake to be a CBC (Canadian born Chinese) at times. Having said that, I often don’t know what a lot of singers are singing in songs. It could be just that they have weird annunciation or something, but when I don’t know what they sing, I just make up lyrics for them.

Inspired by my friend T’s new found: Mariah Carey’s I’ve got Chicken Legs (I beg you guys to listen to this song; I swear anyone will think she’s singing “I’ve got chicken legs” in the chorus. I actually have a whole MADTV mock video figured out in my head with Mariah Carey running around carrying a bucket of KFC), I decided to post a few of my versions of lyrics of some famous songs. I’m sure I have more. When I hear them on the radio, I’ll post them up to share.

Fighter - Christina Aguilera

...I heard, you're growing round
Vegan, the victim now
WONTON, even beginning
I want to play but you take it away

I can never figure out what vegans start getting fat and wonton soup has anything to do with being a fighter. I just thought maybe she was having a diet or something.

Only Time - Enya
Toucan Sam where the rose goes,
Where the day goes, only time?
And Toucan Sam if your love grows,
Where’s your heat stroke, only time?

I must’ve been eating Fruit Loops in a hot summer day the first time when I listen to the song or something.

Forca – Nelly Furtado

...This is the orchestra, the rhythm and the drum
I want a foursome, I want a foursome
I want a foursome really quick real quick viola!

I know the lines are not in English, but it sure didn’t help me trying to sing along.

A better man

If you think I haven’t update for so long and I should get a flick on my forehead because of that, just bear in-mind I can mediate and do wonderfully weird things to your aura. Amen.

After been back to Vancouver for a little over three months by now, I like to think that I've adjusted pretty well back to my normal life. The integration between what I've learned and my daily routine was, at first, a little difficult, but most of the complication has to do with having to move-in with Scotty and having to integrate two people and a dog into one 500 square feet apartment, so that would've happened even without me leaving for 10 months.

One thing, though, I have a tough time adjusting is, embarrassingly, my road rage.

If you have read some of my earlier entries such as Back off, or I’ll Gran Turismo you, you’ll know that I don’t do well in traffic. In fact, the only place you will ever hear me swear is probably in my car (and you have no idea how much guilt I usually have after that). I simply can’t deal with other people’s driving behavior, and this is especially when I am driving to work.

See, I have to cross this tunnel to work everyday. Because I’m going counter traffic, there’s only one lane. I would say 90% of the people follow the general courtesy of driving – when there is a huge line on one lane, don’t drive to the beginning of the line then cut-in. But there are always that 10% of people who either do not care about other people or all of them have a wife in the hospital ready to give birth to their un-born child. These people (and maybe their children) drive me insane!

Today, as usual, I was just a few cars away from getting into the tunnel, I saw these 5 cars just drove pass 15 minutes of line up and wanted to butt in right in front of me. My blood pressure instantly went up and I tried to stay as close to the car in front of me trying not to let them in. While I was grinning inside thinking what a wonderful plan I have, the car in front of me just opened a wide gap and let two cars get through. Let’s just say I was modestly upset.

I still felt quite upset passing through the tunnel, wondering why anyone would let those bastards soon-to-be-dads get in the line like that, but then all of a sudden, I was hit with a thought: is the person letting the other cars drove in just a better man than I am?

I always know I’m far from perfect (except of course when I sing, because I have perfect pitch), so is it that the man in front just have a better understanding about other people’s urgency than I do? What would I feel if I’m really in a hurry one day and I have to do the inevitable of cutting into the line and nobody would let me in? Do those people who cut-in all know they shouldn’t have, but have reasons behind it that I should forgive them? More importantly, should I just let them cut-in from now on?

Sometimes I hate being a monk; venging is so much more fun than forgiveness.