Buddhafied

Inappropriate bookmark

Like many people, I love music. As my mentor Whoopi Goldberg said in Sister Act 2, "If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer. Girl." I take my singing career very seriously. In fact, everyday I write songs for Cleo (mostly about her girlish figure and flat face) and perform in front of her. I also answer to people's question using lyrics ("do you know what are some of my favourite things? Raindrop on roses...") I am just like a jukebox on legs that's keep on giving. Sometimes I walk around in the office with my iPhone playing music, people will look at me funny because they hear music coming out from my back pocket. Then I go and tell them the story of Orpheus, the son of the god of music from Greek Mythology, and confuse them thinking I have the power to make music appear out of nowhere.

I also have this thing where I subconciously categorize incidents/time of my life into different songs. I guess I just listen to music so much that I connect different songs with whatever I was doing at that time automatically. Of course, since I don't do this on purpose, I generally won't know which song linked to which memory of mine. It's usually not until a few months (or years) later when I hear the same song then my senses will bring me back to those memories as if I am experiencing them all over again. The connection can be so strong that I sometimes can even "feel" the temperature and "smell" the scent. For the most part, I am quite appreciative when it happens, as whether it's good or bad, those memories were a part of me. Not to mention the songs get associated with my memories are pretty good songs.

Last night, when I was driving home and I heard this song on the radio:

To my shocking, I instantly remember all my fond memories of preparing for my charity event this past summer. OUT OF ALL SONGS OVER THE SUMMER, THIS IS THE SONG MY BRAIN DECIDED TO USE AS A BOOKMARK?!!! The charity that we raised over $10,000 is associated with "I kissed a girl"? Seriously?!

 

What next? My wedding be associated with "The Chicken song"? My first vacation with Scott be associated with "Ichy Breaky Heart"? Or 30 years old birthday be associated with a Jonas Brother song? I need this to stop now!

Dog poop

Happy New Year everyone! May this year be a happy and prosperous year for you and your love ones and your kids and your dog and your cat and your plants and your iPhone and if you are really nice to me, I will also wish your coffee be full of cream and sugar. Amen.

Anyway, talking about cats and dogs, have you ever have those moments in your life where you think you've bring your dog's poop to work? Well... I just had one of those.

See, my dog likes to do things her way, and her way usually means she just like to stand at the side of the road and stare at cars. When she was younger, I would force her to walk with me, which got me in trouble, but now she's a 77 year old lady, Scott and I let her get away with it sometimes. And because she refuse to walk around the block, we can't throw her freshly made presents to the dumpster. It means we sometimes have to carry her poop back into our apartment (yes, we are such well-educated classy gay couples. You'all should be ashame of yourself for not being more like us. u'hm). This morning, before I head out the door, I said goodbye to Scott and he mumbled in his sleep "don't forget your lunch in the fridge", I was like, "I don't have lunch in the fridge." "Oh... really? Well, don't forget Cleo's poop." Well, have a good day to you too Snuggle Muffin. I gave him a kiss and dash out the door with the bag of poop, which has been there probably since 5pm last night. I stepped into the elevator with dog poop in one hand and my Pepsi in the other. I swear the lady in the elevator thought that was my lunch. She kept on staring at the poop bag then at my Pepsi. Well, that would give a new meaning to the word "recycle" and make Al Gore proud.

When I finally got to work, I sat down and start checking my emails, all of a sudden I remember that bag of poop that I was carrying earlier. "Oh my god, where's the poop? I thought I had it on my hand, where is it now? Did I put it in my pocket? Oh my gosh I hope I didn't. Did I left it in the car?" After a few minutes of panicking thinking I've "lost" the poop, I remembered I put it in the garbage can in the garage long before I get into the car.

What I find it funny was that for a few seconds there, I was actually worried that I lost a bag of dog poop... who in the world will worry if they lost poop? We should all be happy that our hands are poop-free! What on earth has gotten to me. Either I really need some good night sleep or I need some counseling... probably both.

2009 New Year Resolution #1: No more panicking about losing dog poop.

Scent of burgers

I believe science has brought us very far for the human race as a whole. Merely a few hundred years ago, people were still living in huts and riding horses as transportation. Now, we couldn't even walk outdoor without our cellphone attached to the side of our face. That being said, once in a while, there are inventions that just make you think what the heck people are thinking in this world.

From the Food Selection Blog:

Scent of a Whopper

Want to smell like a burger, but don't want the mess of rubbing one all over your body? Burger King has introduced FLAME, "the body spray of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat." On its website, Burger King presents the novelty as if it were the aromatic equivalent of a Barry White song (spray some on and "set the mood for the flame to ignite"). This might be the beginning of a whole new line of fast food-based perfumes: after all, as one reviewer asked, "can I get fries with that." $3.99 at Ricky'

I mean, I am no shame of admitting that I like my man to be a bit meaty and beefy, but having the scent of burger is really not my kind of taste, pun intended.

Alternate Currency

From my beloved xkcd:

Amen.

Despair, Inc.

You know those motivational posters that we see in every office? It's becoming a trend that people make up some silly picture and phrase combination. After a while, I sort of get numbed over them as many of them are not funny anymore.

This morning though, The Dark Side of Nothing posted a link on his twitter that was rather cute. It's called the Despair, Inc. Basically, instead of motiviational posters, they make DEmotivational products:

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

How wonderfully delightful. I went to the website and found posters like this one:

Or, how about this:

You can even make your own calendar from their collection... I think I'm going to make one for 2009. It will go very well next to my WTF stamp.

Talking about that stamp, a lot of people asked me where they can get it. I am considering making a small quantity of them and sell them at a small cost. I will keep you update on the progress.

A must for all offices...

Got this in my inbox this morning. I expect to see this selling at Staples in a few weeks.

PS: Seems like the entire blogging community is slowing down a little bit the last week or so... almost everyone on my blogroll is not updating much at all (well, except for Dave at Blogography, whom still update everyday!)... Is everyone as lazy as me?

Paystub

You gotta love when your payroll person has a sense of humour. This is what I got in my email this morning:

Dear Employees,

When printing the pay stubs the ink ran out, and last names starting with an "R" or later are pretty faded.

Especially those lucky ones starting with a "Z".

Unfortunately I can not reprint the actual stub, but a report with the same basic information can be provided upon request.

After getting you pay stub just send me an email if you would like something more legible and I will do that up for you.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

My last name starts with a "T" so I guess I'll be getting slightly faded paystub.

I don't like Cherry Chapstick!

You know how usually the most annoying songs are the songs that get stuck in your head? A friend of mine, William, was at Thailand one summer, right before he caught his flight he heard the song “Who Let the Dogs Out” in the taxi. The only thing he can remember from that trip now was that he had the song inside his head the entire time (imagine waking up every morning with "who let the dogs out, woof woof woof woof" in your head...)

According to my music mentor, Whoopi Goldberg in the Sisters Act 2, “if you wake up in the mornin', and you can't think of anything but singin' first... then you're supposed to be a singer. Girl.” Well, with that theory, I am supposed to be a lot of things like a professional videogame player, a "cereal" killer or occasionally a porn star, but I think I fit the best of being a singer as I get the most attention (mostly negative, but what the heck) from Scott when I sing.

Now, guess what song has been in this future Canadian Idol's head lately? This ridiculous song called “I kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry.

Okay, I admit the tune is kind of catchy, but the lyrics are just plain stupid, and I think it’s totally invading my pure homosexual mind and putting inappropriate sexual images in my head. Now when I look girls I kept on staring at their lips thinking whether it really taste like cherry Chap Stick. Furthurmore, I'm thinking of getting cherry Chap Stick myself because that might make my lips taste better. The song is making me gay....er! 

I am so going to release my first single, featuring the Bearforce1, called “I Kissed a Bear” with the following catchy and more appropriate lyrics:

“I kissed a bear and I like it,
I felt his beard and it ticks.
I kissed a bear coz I like hair,
Hope my boyfriend can grow a full beard.

It felt so raw, it felt so spike,
Smell of shaving cream is alright

I kissed a bear and I like it... I like it!”

Oh I have to sing this to Cleo tonight, she'll love it thinking I'm singing Twinkle Little Stars for her.

Blasphemy

Originally posted by Squareboxx:

 
I'm feeling better for myself already.

Stroke Month

A friend of mine, G, likes to send out good morning messages to everyone in the morning. He does it probably two or three times a week. Often it’s just silly stuff like “happy hump-day” or similar. I got this message from him this morning:

 

Did you know the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada has named June “Stroke month”… I’m doing my part, are you?

 

So wrong… yet so delightful.

 

I am blaming all my friends for making my blog such a dirty place.