Buddhafied

Blogger stalker #1: LSL

I love reading blogs as much as I love writing them. Not that I am a knowsy person (if I do, I'll just be a paparazzi and stalk the living hell out of people night and day), but I do enjoy reading others' encounters and experiencing lives that are different than mine. Often enough, I find myself chuckle/shed tears/worry along with the blogger because I can relate to them. That being said, I am somewhat of a picky blog/twitter follower, as I don't follow someone if they don't have anything better to say. It's bloggers with true emotions, brutal honesty and sense of humour that makes me want to go back and read their blog/tweet on a regular basis.

I do always want to meet up with some of these people whom I've been passively stalking, but since Vancouver is not the ultimate vacation destination with great monuments and exotic fruits and half naked leather people walking on the street, I never have a chance to meet with anyone in real life from the blogger/twitter world. So when LSL from Long Story Longer emailed me a few weeks back and said she is coming up for a concert, I wrote her back immediately and said I would love to stalk her in real life, she just needs to sit down on a bench somewhere and I'll bring my binoculars.

Despite the twists and turns that almost stopped her from visiting Vancouver (I'm sure she will have fun typing what happened), we finally met yesterday at a Starbucks around where she stayed and had 2.5 hours of wonderful conversations.

It's amazing how after you read about someone's blog for over 2 years, you actually know the person quite well. I was like meeting up with a long lost friend and just chat non-stop. She was exactly how I imagined her to be and have such great appreciation of life. We talked about things that are deeper than the blog level and share things that was a bit harder to explain in our blogs. It was also fun to "gossip" about other common blogger friends we have, like we laughed at how funny and silly Durban Bud is, we plotted out a scam and will trick Wits' End into visit us from the UK, and we tried to figure out why Blogography gets to travel so much and meet with cats and monkeys all over the world. I honestly had such a great time that it was sad I didn't get to spend more time and show her around Vancouver.

Now that I have LSL as a proof that it is possible for humans to survive after spending two hours with me (well, I haven't got a text back from her yet, so I will say that she did survive me until I left her, can't promise about the side-effects), maybe I will have more visitors from now on? My binoculars are ready.

Raw and transparent

People lose interests in blogging for many reasons. They don't find it fun anymore to exhibit their lives to others; they don't have anything interesting in life that deserves to type about; they ventured into something more interested and just abandon their blogs. Many reasons. I have to say, however, none of these reasons applied to me. I have honestly been missing this blog for the past half a year, every single day.

I guess for the past 2 years, this blog has been a very important outlet for me to express my thoughts in my own pace. Despite that I like to talk a lot and make silly comments all the time, I actually have a tough time to convey my feelings or thoughts to others. May be it's the language barrier or maybe I find communicating with human is complicated. In a way, I am somewhat of an artist and can only express my true ideas indirectly through another channel. That being said, with my lack of talents in art, the only thing I really have is my broken language, which takes time to manifest. And this blog serves this purpose.

Not having this the past 6 months, I realized I get angry easier, I get frustrated more often and I get depressed faster. Maybe a personal blog is really not for exhibitionists after all; maybe it can also allow a closeted introvert to communicate with himself and try to organize his thoughts so he, himself, can understand his own feelings.

I wanted to make more changes to the blog before relaunching it, but it takes time. I know myself too well that if I don't have this begin again, it will be another half a year when I start typing again. I don't think I can handle missing this for another half a year.

So here I am. Raw and transparent, once more.

Exposing myself: the Underwear Affair

I have created a team to run on the street in just underwear!

As some of you might already know from my blog, I do fundraisers for the BC Cancer Foundation once in a while. It's a fun thing to do although it could be stressful especially when it comes to selling tickets and trying to make sure everything goes right. This year, I decided not to host a huge event in the summer but instead I'll join other people's event for a change (yeah, let them deal with the pain of cleaning up after!). So, to keep me and my friends healthy and active, I registered to do a 10k run to "uncover cures for cancers below the waist (prostate, colon, and ovarian cancer, among others.)" The event name is called the Underwear Affair.

My grandfather died of colorectal/prostate cancer about 5 years ago. He was a very healthy man who was still working at the age of 80 years old, but died within a few months after he got diagnosised with the disease. Although his death made a very strong impact to how I view the world which ultimately helped my decision of becoming a Buddhist monk, it was still not a very pleasant memory afterall. So the subject of cancer below the waist is close to my heart since then. Besides, who doesn't want to run around on the street in their underwear! (I know we don't have to and I probably chicken out at the end, but I like to keep my options open, thank you.)

I have created an online pledge form for my team and myself, please let me know if you want to support and I'll send you the link. I have to raise at least $300 in order to participate, or else I'll just be a guy wearing his underwear standing on the street. O_o

Skillup

Hmm... where should I start... I can make up some lame excuses saying I was busy and I can't type, but no one is that busy who can't type a blog post for a month. I can also be bluntly honest and say I was lazy, but that was not entirely the truth either. The thing is, I just haven't been too enthusiastic to do anything lately. I haven't been doing any running training which I was supposed to do; I didn't take photos of my new place, like I said I would; I haven't even call my grandmother, for goodness sake, a few months now. I would like to blame it all on my video game addicted personality, but let's just be simple and blame it on the weather, shall we? And now, since the clouds are no longer covering up the sky and I have no more excuses for sitting infront of the couch staring at my TV, I can now walk two feet, grab my laptop, sit back down and type again. You gotta love Spring!

Seriousness aside (like I always am), I'm doing a little bit of thinking lately, specifically where I should go with my life. I think it's just time for me to make some moves in my career path again.

It has been a while since I had some deep thoughts about this, but lately, after looking at a lot of portfolios and meeting up with some talented graphic people on twitter, I am considering to narrow down my career to graphic design. When I left school, I got an economic degree minor in publishing. Back then, I showed quite interests to graphic designs and was (and have been) doing some freelance job for people here and there. The problem was I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do that as my full-time job. So, given I needed a job desperately back then, I went for a more "broader" choice and stay with marketing, which served the purpose and I had much fun since then. What got me thinking was when I start to ask myself the question "if there's one skill set I want to be the best and to be known as, what would it be?" and there's only one answer to that question: "graphic design". Not surprisingly, this whole conversation in my head generated from playing video game. See, my Dark Knight has been focusing on his accuracy gear instead of strength because I think hitting the mob should take priority than how hard I hit it. I knew Mom bought that Nintendo for me when I was 5 for a reason: I have made her proud.

I am currently working as a half graphic designer at work anyway, but everything I know about the graphic world is self-taught. I think if I want to persue something more, I should consider taking at least some formal trainings, then the question is: where and what?

I think I have a few options here. I can take part-time courses at a community college and get some skillup (or what I like to call it Graphic Skill +1), take full-time courses at an art institue like Emily Carr (Graphic Upgrade: new amours and weapons avaiable upon finish), or I can look into the Master of publishing program at where I graudated (End Game Battle: fame and reputation +10). What I'm afraid of the most is finding out that I am not creative or good enough, but without seeing what's out there I will never know.

There are much to research for and maybe none of these options are viable with my current financial situation, but something I am thinking about more and more the past month. I guess it's still not too late to make a change like this, I just wish there's a quick answer. Maybe my Dark Knight will encounter someone tonight and send me off to a quest to find a treasure chest and if I find the right tools to open it it will tell me where I should apply for...

A month?

Okay, February was an insane month for me.

The biggest trade show of the year for the company I worked for happened last week, and because Scott and I decided to go to Disneyland before that, I had so much to do at work before we leave that at one point I was telling people to do their own work. Now that I'm finally back onto my normal schedule, I am ready to type about my trip and stuff, and I noticed it's been a month since I typed my last post...

A MONTH?

How can that be? In my head I think about new stuff to type everyday, how can it been a month since I typed something? CRAZINESS!

Anyway, I just want to say that I'm back and Mickey said hello to everyone. I will have my trip report done this week, sorry for the wait. :D

Beauty within

I got a very unexpected email from someone last week.

When I was still back in school, I got my first client as a freelance graphic designer for a company in the gay community. They basically gave me a chance to skill up while getting paid. The general manager there, Norm (not real name) is a little weird and slightly flirtatious, but he respected me and my work a lot, so we always have a very good working relationship. A few years back, when I was still single, he would even invite me over along with a few other guys who don't have family in town for Thanksgiving dinner. I was never too close to him, but we kept in touch.

About four months ago, I got a voice message from Norm one day:

This is Norm. I know I am supposed to forward you some stuff today, but I am in shocked right now... I've had a very emotional week and really can't handle it right now... ooh I'm just not feeling good. I will try to get you information maybe after the weekend.

He sounded very worried and shattered on the message. I thought it might have something to do with his family or personal issue, so I didn't want to call him back to disturb him. I never got a call from him the following week, and a week later, I got an email from a guy letting me know that he will be my point of contact at least for a while because Norm had gone to rehab.

I can't say I was shocked, knowing that Norm was deeply involved in the gay community where drug and alcoholic addiction is a common thing. I used to hear rumors that he was doing drugs, but again, so many people do it in the community that as long as they don't push it on me, I couldn't careless.

A few months have passed. I've been working well with the new management team at the company. They told me that Norm will no longer come back. I didn't ask them why as I don't want to be nosey. I contacted a few people and they don't have more news to tell me what's going on, so I just left it at that. When I was just about to think I'll never hear from Norm again, I got an email from him last Thursday subjected "Connections":

Inappropriate bookmark

Like many people, I love music. As my mentor Whoopi Goldberg said in Sister Act 2, "If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer. Girl." I take my singing career very seriously. In fact, everyday I write songs for Cleo (mostly about her girlish figure and flat face) and perform in front of her. I also answer to people's question using lyrics ("do you know what are some of my favourite things? Raindrop on roses...") I am just like a jukebox on legs that's keep on giving. Sometimes I walk around in the office with my iPhone playing music, people will look at me funny because they hear music coming out from my back pocket. Then I go and tell them the story of Orpheus, the son of the god of music from Greek Mythology, and confuse them thinking I have the power to make music appear out of nowhere.

I also have this thing where I subconciously categorize incidents/time of my life into different songs. I guess I just listen to music so much that I connect different songs with whatever I was doing at that time automatically. Of course, since I don't do this on purpose, I generally won't know which song linked to which memory of mine. It's usually not until a few months (or years) later when I hear the same song then my senses will bring me back to those memories as if I am experiencing them all over again. The connection can be so strong that I sometimes can even "feel" the temperature and "smell" the scent. For the most part, I am quite appreciative when it happens, as whether it's good or bad, those memories were a part of me. Not to mention the songs get associated with my memories are pretty good songs.

Last night, when I was driving home and I heard this song on the radio:

To my shocking, I instantly remember all my fond memories of preparing for my charity event this past summer. OUT OF ALL SONGS OVER THE SUMMER, THIS IS THE SONG MY BRAIN DECIDED TO USE AS A BOOKMARK?!!! The charity that we raised over $10,000 is associated with "I kissed a girl"? Seriously?!

 

What next? My wedding be associated with "The Chicken song"? My first vacation with Scott be associated with "Ichy Breaky Heart"? Or 30 years old birthday be associated with a Jonas Brother song? I need this to stop now!

Kathy Griffin rocked my world

If there's one comedy show you get to watch each year, I highly recommend that to be Kathy Griffin. We were at her show just this Saturday and she was incredible!

I don't know how I found out about her at the first place, but I'm sure I was in Hong Kong and she must've said something outrageous on the red carpet somewhere. Being absolutely bored at night when I was doing my Buddhist stuff, I probably did a search on youtube about her... and life was never the same ever since!

I don't think I've ever laughed two hours non-stop like that (well, maybe I did over Chicken Legs, but that wasn't quite the same). According to Scott, at some point during the show, I was leaping up in the air and bouncing up and down, but I have no memories of that. In my defense, who the heck can restrain themselves when she starts to refer Ryan Seacrest as a "she" and claim that she can distract Katie Couric in three seconds by talking about her shoes. She was so quick and witty that even if there's a nano-second that she feel the audiences are not into a particular joke she will switch it immediately and come up with something brilliant. Definitely a must-watch.

For those who haven't had a chance to watch her live, and for those who wants to know why Kathy dislike Ryan Seacrest that much, have fun with the following clips:

Dog poop

Happy New Year everyone! May this year be a happy and prosperous year for you and your love ones and your kids and your dog and your cat and your plants and your iPhone and if you are really nice to me, I will also wish your coffee be full of cream and sugar. Amen.

Anyway, talking about cats and dogs, have you ever have those moments in your life where you think you've bring your dog's poop to work? Well... I just had one of those.

See, my dog likes to do things her way, and her way usually means she just like to stand at the side of the road and stare at cars. When she was younger, I would force her to walk with me, which got me in trouble, but now she's a 77 year old lady, Scott and I let her get away with it sometimes. And because she refuse to walk around the block, we can't throw her freshly made presents to the dumpster. It means we sometimes have to carry her poop back into our apartment (yes, we are such well-educated classy gay couples. You'all should be ashame of yourself for not being more like us. u'hm). This morning, before I head out the door, I said goodbye to Scott and he mumbled in his sleep "don't forget your lunch in the fridge", I was like, "I don't have lunch in the fridge." "Oh... really? Well, don't forget Cleo's poop." Well, have a good day to you too Snuggle Muffin. I gave him a kiss and dash out the door with the bag of poop, which has been there probably since 5pm last night. I stepped into the elevator with dog poop in one hand and my Pepsi in the other. I swear the lady in the elevator thought that was my lunch. She kept on staring at the poop bag then at my Pepsi. Well, that would give a new meaning to the word "recycle" and make Al Gore proud.

When I finally got to work, I sat down and start checking my emails, all of a sudden I remember that bag of poop that I was carrying earlier. "Oh my god, where's the poop? I thought I had it on my hand, where is it now? Did I put it in my pocket? Oh my gosh I hope I didn't. Did I left it in the car?" After a few minutes of panicking thinking I've "lost" the poop, I remembered I put it in the garbage can in the garage long before I get into the car.

What I find it funny was that for a few seconds there, I was actually worried that I lost a bag of dog poop... who in the world will worry if they lost poop? We should all be happy that our hands are poop-free! What on earth has gotten to me. Either I really need some good night sleep or I need some counseling... probably both.

2009 New Year Resolution #1: No more panicking about losing dog poop.

2008: Alive

It's hard to believe that only 10 months ago I was still up at Koyasan getting my hair shaved off, and I am now typing my last entry of the year in the comfort of my own home in yet another midst of snow storm in Vancouver.

2008 was a lot of changes for me. I finished off a life long once-in-a-life-time opportunity, said goodbye to some old friends, did something meaningful, got an addiction, tried something new, and lost my virginity. Along the way I laughed a little, got raged, but occasionally stopped to take a deep breathe.

It had been a year full of ups and downs, but I ended up spending a lot of time on myself. Instead of trying to merge everything I've learned through my monk journey with my daily life, I stopped chanting and just let myself be the person that I am and had all my true feelings and emotions out. It didn't always work in a good way and the person who had to deal with my fluctuations was Scott, luckily he still tolerated me for being ridiculous. For that, I know I have made the right choice for being with him.

Last night, after 6 months, I started chanting. It felt natural again.

All and all, after a year of storm, I looked back and felt I grew up a little and knew myself more a little. It was emotional and it was chaotic, but it was an important transition of my life: I feel, for the first time in my life, alive.

Melissa O'Neil – Alive

Stuck in world
No longer turning
Always the girl
Waiting for something
Too many days
Walking around sleeping
Open my eyes
I'm tired of dreaming

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

Sun on my face
Lights of the city
Maybe in love
Or just learning to be
On my two feet
I can only imagine
I'll say the words
And believe it will happen

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

They think they know
But how they know me
I'm getting to know myself
I'm finally ready
To be somebody
With a story to tell

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
I wanna feel til my heat breaks wide open
I wanna blaze like a fire that's growin'
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

Thank you for walking along with me through 2008 and shared my journey. My life is so small, but having your company makes me feel so much special. So, thank you.