Buddhafied

The present

My friend Todd got me a little gift for Christmas called the Buddha Board. It's a neat little pad where you use water, instead of ink, to write or draw whatever you want. After a few minutes, the water with vaporized and it will become an empty pad again. I have been doing my Mantra character practice on it lately and it works perfectly. I find myself spending a lot of time walking back and forth in the apartment to write the best looking Mantra. Sometimes it doesn't look anything I want it to be and I wish I could wipe it off instantly so I can restart, there are other times where I write the perfect looking Mantra and I wish it will stay there for longer. The Buddha Board reminded me of some fundamental philosophies of Buddhism.

No matter how much you like or or dislike something, at some point in time, the phyiscal or the mental element will run to the end of its course, as everything that has a beginning also has an end. Whether it is the sterdiest architecture or the most basic form of microrganism, whether it is a relationship or just an acquaintance, nothing in the universe can escape from the cycle of birth (begin), aging (blossom), sickness (perish) and death (end). Nothing will last forever.

Again, just like many other concepts of Buddhism, this is such a pessimistic thought. Instead of telling you that your love ones will go to heaven, Buddhism suggested that everything just end (actually, more like going into a eternal cycle of birth and death, which is even more depressing, but I will leave that topic for another rainny day), instead of telling you that there will be some form of judgement to your bully, Buddhism suggested the pain will end, eventually. Buddhsim never fail to provide you with more reasons of "why bother to live?" From the surface, this is such a passive and gloomy way of treating life, but the core concept behind all these can be summarized in one word: present.

Since everything will come to an end and everything is ever-changing, the only thing we can be certain is the present. "Now" is the only moment you have in your life that you have control of, not a second ago, not a second later. Instead of cherishing the physical or even mental aspect of something which will not last, let's enjoy what you have at this moment. Don't be caught up with the mistakes you did yesterday (my ugly Mantra characters); don't wish for anything to be there forever (my beautiful Mantra characters); enjoy the moment (the personal time I get to have).

Of course, when things eventually come to an end, it will never be easy. The feeling will still be hurt, the heart will still be broken, but at least there will be no regret, because you have lived the present.

Inappropriate bookmark

Like many people, I love music. As my mentor Whoopi Goldberg said in Sister Act 2, "If you wake up in the mornin' and you can't think of anything but singin' first...then you're supposed to be a singer. Girl." I take my singing career very seriously. In fact, everyday I write songs for Cleo (mostly about her girlish figure and flat face) and perform in front of her. I also answer to people's question using lyrics ("do you know what are some of my favourite things? Raindrop on roses...") I am just like a jukebox on legs that's keep on giving. Sometimes I walk around in the office with my iPhone playing music, people will look at me funny because they hear music coming out from my back pocket. Then I go and tell them the story of Orpheus, the son of the god of music from Greek Mythology, and confuse them thinking I have the power to make music appear out of nowhere.

I also have this thing where I subconciously categorize incidents/time of my life into different songs. I guess I just listen to music so much that I connect different songs with whatever I was doing at that time automatically. Of course, since I don't do this on purpose, I generally won't know which song linked to which memory of mine. It's usually not until a few months (or years) later when I hear the same song then my senses will bring me back to those memories as if I am experiencing them all over again. The connection can be so strong that I sometimes can even "feel" the temperature and "smell" the scent. For the most part, I am quite appreciative when it happens, as whether it's good or bad, those memories were a part of me. Not to mention the songs get associated with my memories are pretty good songs.

Last night, when I was driving home and I heard this song on the radio:

To my shocking, I instantly remember all my fond memories of preparing for my charity event this past summer. OUT OF ALL SONGS OVER THE SUMMER, THIS IS THE SONG MY BRAIN DECIDED TO USE AS A BOOKMARK?!!! The charity that we raised over $10,000 is associated with "I kissed a girl"? Seriously?!

 

What next? My wedding be associated with "The Chicken song"? My first vacation with Scott be associated with "Ichy Breaky Heart"? Or 30 years old birthday be associated with a Jonas Brother song? I need this to stop now!

The universe

After typing so much about my own life and about silly little things, I thought it will be a nice that once in a while I'll type a little bit about Buddhism (well, also... it's kind of difficult to justify having a blog named Buddhafied when all I type is about my dog and men with beard). So from here on, to keep the integrity of this blog, I'm dedicating each Tuesday to my Buddhist study and I'm starting a series regarding on my interpretation to the philosophy behind Buddhism. I have to warn all my readers, as everything is open to different point of view and perception, please don't take my concept or theory as the sole meaning of Buddhism. By all means it could be completely different than another Buddhist will tell you and I am not here to suggest my way is right or to defend myself. I am merely sharing my thoughts and the little piece of wisdom that I am lucky to endorse. That being said, please feel free to leave comments, as it is really what this section (and blogging as a matter of fact) is all about.

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Once in a while I hear someone say the phrase "the universe is against me today". I am sure I've said similar phrases lots of times before, probably the most often one is "the world hates me today". Of course, most of the time when we say stuff like that, it was merely a vent or a gesture to "I am having a bad day", but the sentence itself opened up a very interesting and unique views about Buddhism or other religions: what is the universe?

Opposing to many mainstream religions, Buddhism do not mention about God. For the purpose of this blog, I will refer God using the definition in Merriam-Webster dictionary as "the being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshiped as creator and ruler of the universe."  This is not to confused with all the figures in stories of Buddhism. Buddha and many other spiritual forms described by Buddhist is really just an enlightened individual who understands the true meaning of the universe/life. He/she is not the creator nor the ruler of the human kind. This doesn't mean Buddhism resist the theory of God, it just doesn't acknowledge or deny it. Hence, this lead many, including myself, to believe that Buddhism is more like a philosophy than a religion. With no creator mentioned, who are we looking for guidance then? The answer is, the universe itself.

So, what is the universe according to Buddhism then? Interesting enough, there is no direct answer provided. Buddhism suggested a rather scientific way to explain the universe. It is like a logic, a law or a cycle, a way of how things form and how thing end. It's like math, where one plus one is equal to two, it's a logic, a concept and it applies to everything. It's like the Newton's Third Law of Motion, which for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, it's karma, a cause and effect. If you buy into this concept, you should also believe that this "logic" or universe is indifferent, as it's simply an algorithm, a law of how things work. This explain that many people interpretation of the word "karma" is wrong, because karma itself is simply a concept explaining the cause and effect, it doesn't explain the meaning of "good" and "bad".

Using this theory, it is raining today because it does, the earth (universe) has no concept of preference: things happen because it happens. This is not to confuse with the concept that everything is pre-determined, because having a logic does not mean the components can not be changed (ie: one apple plus one apple always equals to two apples, but there is no logic implying that you begin with just one apple). When we get upset the fact that it rains, it is really us that is resisting the natural path of the world (universe).

This might sound very pessimistic at times, as it suggested us to "take it as it is" and not let our feelings be bothered by any unfortunates. However, there is one important factor about this: our heart. If all along it has been ourselves who choose to believe that a rainy day is a bad one, it means that we also hold the true power of changing that believe. It is our freewill that allow us to choose how we interpret the rain when the rainy day comes, whether it's going to just be a day or it's going to be a bad day, a switch of the heart can make all of a different.

Because all along, it wasn't the rain that caused the emotion, it was the heart.

Kathy Griffin rocked my world

If there's one comedy show you get to watch each year, I highly recommend that to be Kathy Griffin. We were at her show just this Saturday and she was incredible!

I don't know how I found out about her at the first place, but I'm sure I was in Hong Kong and she must've said something outrageous on the red carpet somewhere. Being absolutely bored at night when I was doing my Buddhist stuff, I probably did a search on youtube about her... and life was never the same ever since!

I don't think I've ever laughed two hours non-stop like that (well, maybe I did over Chicken Legs, but that wasn't quite the same). According to Scott, at some point during the show, I was leaping up in the air and bouncing up and down, but I have no memories of that. In my defense, who the heck can restrain themselves when she starts to refer Ryan Seacrest as a "she" and claim that she can distract Katie Couric in three seconds by talking about her shoes. She was so quick and witty that even if there's a nano-second that she feel the audiences are not into a particular joke she will switch it immediately and come up with something brilliant. Definitely a must-watch.

For those who haven't had a chance to watch her live, and for those who wants to know why Kathy dislike Ryan Seacrest that much, have fun with the following clips:

Dog poop

Happy New Year everyone! May this year be a happy and prosperous year for you and your love ones and your kids and your dog and your cat and your plants and your iPhone and if you are really nice to me, I will also wish your coffee be full of cream and sugar. Amen.

Anyway, talking about cats and dogs, have you ever have those moments in your life where you think you've bring your dog's poop to work? Well... I just had one of those.

See, my dog likes to do things her way, and her way usually means she just like to stand at the side of the road and stare at cars. When she was younger, I would force her to walk with me, which got me in trouble, but now she's a 77 year old lady, Scott and I let her get away with it sometimes. And because she refuse to walk around the block, we can't throw her freshly made presents to the dumpster. It means we sometimes have to carry her poop back into our apartment (yes, we are such well-educated classy gay couples. You'all should be ashame of yourself for not being more like us. u'hm). This morning, before I head out the door, I said goodbye to Scott and he mumbled in his sleep "don't forget your lunch in the fridge", I was like, "I don't have lunch in the fridge." "Oh... really? Well, don't forget Cleo's poop." Well, have a good day to you too Snuggle Muffin. I gave him a kiss and dash out the door with the bag of poop, which has been there probably since 5pm last night. I stepped into the elevator with dog poop in one hand and my Pepsi in the other. I swear the lady in the elevator thought that was my lunch. She kept on staring at the poop bag then at my Pepsi. Well, that would give a new meaning to the word "recycle" and make Al Gore proud.

When I finally got to work, I sat down and start checking my emails, all of a sudden I remember that bag of poop that I was carrying earlier. "Oh my god, where's the poop? I thought I had it on my hand, where is it now? Did I put it in my pocket? Oh my gosh I hope I didn't. Did I left it in the car?" After a few minutes of panicking thinking I've "lost" the poop, I remembered I put it in the garbage can in the garage long before I get into the car.

What I find it funny was that for a few seconds there, I was actually worried that I lost a bag of dog poop... who in the world will worry if they lost poop? We should all be happy that our hands are poop-free! What on earth has gotten to me. Either I really need some good night sleep or I need some counseling... probably both.

2009 New Year Resolution #1: No more panicking about losing dog poop.

2008: Alive

It's hard to believe that only 10 months ago I was still up at Koyasan getting my hair shaved off, and I am now typing my last entry of the year in the comfort of my own home in yet another midst of snow storm in Vancouver.

2008 was a lot of changes for me. I finished off a life long once-in-a-life-time opportunity, said goodbye to some old friends, did something meaningful, got an addiction, tried something new, and lost my virginity. Along the way I laughed a little, got raged, but occasionally stopped to take a deep breathe.

It had been a year full of ups and downs, but I ended up spending a lot of time on myself. Instead of trying to merge everything I've learned through my monk journey with my daily life, I stopped chanting and just let myself be the person that I am and had all my true feelings and emotions out. It didn't always work in a good way and the person who had to deal with my fluctuations was Scott, luckily he still tolerated me for being ridiculous. For that, I know I have made the right choice for being with him.

Last night, after 6 months, I started chanting. It felt natural again.

All and all, after a year of storm, I looked back and felt I grew up a little and knew myself more a little. It was emotional and it was chaotic, but it was an important transition of my life: I feel, for the first time in my life, alive.

Melissa O'Neil – Alive

Stuck in world
No longer turning
Always the girl
Waiting for something
Too many days
Walking around sleeping
Open my eyes
I'm tired of dreaming

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

Sun on my face
Lights of the city
Maybe in love
Or just learning to be
On my two feet
I can only imagine
I'll say the words
And believe it will happen

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

They think they know
But how they know me
I'm getting to know myself
I'm finally ready
To be somebody
With a story to tell

I wanna run with the reckless emotion
Find out if love is the size of an ocean
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
I wanna feel til my heat breaks wide open
I wanna blaze like a fire that's growin'
Even if I crash down, burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like
To feel alive

Thank you for walking along with me through 2008 and shared my journey. My life is so small, but having your company makes me feel so much special. So, thank you.

A fulfilling Christmas

   
Despite my constant battle with myself trying to find a balance between my moral as a monk and living an actual life (but failing the being a monk part), I still like to think that I am a good person by heart. One of the things I do every year to remind me that I am not so evil after all is Christmas hamper.

It started when a former manager of mine asked whether I will help delivering food around Christmas time four years ago. It was a very rewarding experience. What it is, is this lady, G (who I will remain anonymous because that's how she like it to be), with her huge connection will find families who are in need for help, yet might not have the courage to go to a food-bank, buy food and necessities for them and deliver to them a week before Christmas. The amount of food each family gets will last them for at least a whole month, because as G said last night "the toughest month for a mother is January: when the welfare cheque is gone." G organize everything from doing fund-raising dinner to get money to physically packaging the food, all we need to do is to show up on a particular day and do the delivery.

So last night I brought along 7 friends with me, a total of four cars and we headed the church. We arrived early because G will never let any of us leave until we all have food. As she said "this is the only thing I can offer you, so EAT!" We then listened to her heart-warming tear-draining speech and we were off with our boxes of food by 6pm. Each family generally gets about 6-8 boxes depends on their size (some of them have 11 kids!), they might even get a turkey!

We decided to split up into two teams this year, each team has 4 families to deliver. It took us well over two hours to distribute them all around Vancouver area, and though the road condition was bad due to the snowstorm we had a few days ago, seeing the smile on the faces of the children and their parents were priceless. We delivered to a basement suite with family of 8, which the father ran after us and shaked our hands individually wishing us a very happy Christmas; we delivered to a pregnant lady with children, which she couldn't believe how much food she's getting and kept on asking us where they came from and who she should thank; we also delivered to a mom with a son, which the son was jumping up and down when he sees that he is going to get gift for Christmas this year. All of their faces are vividly imprinted in my head and I will always remember the joyful smiles and how grateful they look when all we did was just as simple as leaving food at their doorsteps.

A few years back, when I was still working part-time as a security patrol and first-aid attendant, I told one of my co-workers about the Christmas hamper. She told me about 10 years back she was living in a small town in Alberta. Right before Christmas, when her son was only a few months old, she realized it's no longer safe for her to live with her husband. She had $50 in her pocket and took a bus to Vancouver. That year, she got Christmas hamper delivered to her door. For her, that was one of the best thing that ever happened to her.

What I've learned this year is that there are families that might appeared to be just fine but in fact they are in desperate help. We visited a family with a big flat screen TV (which Scott and I still don't have one), and maybe looking from the outside of the house, you will never know they are struggling. Yet, they are having a tough time putting food on the table. I guess there are people out there that used to do well but is facing a tough time right now. So while you are busy wrapping up Christmas presents and making donations to food-banks this year, don't forget to pay attention to the people around you, maybe some of them need help but just don't appear so.

This is what Santa Clause really is isn't he? We don't all have to grow a beard, gain 200 lbs and sit at a mall to make people happy. Have a wonderful holiday, everyone, and may everyone have a full tummy this year.

Scent of burgers

I believe science has brought us very far for the human race as a whole. Merely a few hundred years ago, people were still living in huts and riding horses as transportation. Now, we couldn't even walk outdoor without our cellphone attached to the side of our face. That being said, once in a while, there are inventions that just make you think what the heck people are thinking in this world.

From the Food Selection Blog:

Scent of a Whopper

Want to smell like a burger, but don't want the mess of rubbing one all over your body? Burger King has introduced FLAME, "the body spray of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat." On its website, Burger King presents the novelty as if it were the aromatic equivalent of a Barry White song (spray some on and "set the mood for the flame to ignite"). This might be the beginning of a whole new line of fast food-based perfumes: after all, as one reviewer asked, "can I get fries with that." $3.99 at Ricky'

I mean, I am no shame of admitting that I like my man to be a bit meaty and beefy, but having the scent of burger is really not my kind of taste, pun intended.

Phoenix Flight 2009

Though it's slightly similar layout to the Pride 2008 poster I did, I quite like what I did for the Odyssey's New Year's Eve Party poster. Of course, once again, I have to pick a muscular guy as the poster boy... Just wouldn't be me if it wasn't.

Alternate Currency

From my beloved xkcd:

Amen.